10 Times You Should NOT Update Facebook

by GuestBlogStar on October 19, 2012

There are many people who don’t seem to have the ability to self-edit in life – and nowhere is this more apparent than on Facebook. And no, I’m not talking about the frequent horrendous spelling and atrocious grammar. I’m talking about the content.

There are some times in life where a status update is just not appropriate; and as most don’t seem to be able to discern these points, here they are in plain English.

Mad girl updating Facebook

Facebook: It's NOT Your Diary!

1.) When you and your partner are having an argument. Because although you may want consolidation that your boyfriend is behaving like a douche, you can bump uglies and make up – but what’s said by your friends won’t be forgiven so easily. Plus there’s always one that will comment with “Urghh how cud he do dat 2 u grrl? I neva lkd him hes such a dik u need 2 break up!!!11!” way after you’ve made up… Awkward.

2.) During labour. Seriously. This happens. Trust that no one wants to know that you peed the bed mid-push, let alone that you think you may need stitches – as far as we’re concerned, that kid was air-lifted from your womb by the hand of God himself, with no blood and crap whatsoever.

3.) When you feel like showing off. Oh yay, your hubby’s going to pre-order you an iPhone 5 because your 4S is just so six months ago. And wow, you’re off for a spa day and dinner at a Michelin starred restaurant. I’m sure all of your unemployed friends who have to make do with beans (sans toast) for dinner freaking love you.

4.) When you’re pissed with your boss. She may be the obese, moustached Satan incarnate, who picks on you for absolutely no reason whatsoever, but even passive-aggressive updates can stick you on a blacklist, or land you on the other side of the office doors.

5.) After reading any kind of argument about religion. Yes, you’re an educated atheist who thinks everyone who is religious is a moron and have material to prove it/you’re a Christian who thinks anyone who isn’t in your church is a moron and have material to prove it. Wrong. Anyone who brings religion to Facebook is a moron. Enjoy the never ending comments.

6.) When your child has done something gross. Would you want to read about my toileting habits? How about my nose-picking obsession? No? Well, no one wants to read about your kid’s either.

7.) When you’re hungover on a weekday. Er, did you just brain haemorrhage and forget that around a fifth of the people on your Friends list are actually colleagues? Have fun explaining to your boss why you’ve had 4 Beroccas already this morning.

8.) When you’ve fallen out with a friend. She may be a hobag who snogged the guy you’ve been obsessed with to a stalkerish level since secondary school, but what’s said on Facebook can never be taken back. Also, if you’ve got something to say, man up and say it to their face.

9) When you’re sick. Two elements to this point: A) If you’re actually sick, your head should be stuck in a toilet bowl, making updating your status physically impossible. B) No one wants to hear you moaning, especially if it’s a self-inflicted illness – its attention whoring. Go whinge at your mum instead, as she’s the only one with sympathy.

10.) When you’ve got nothing to say. Pointless status updates annoy everyone. Unless what you’re typing is particularly witty or something that will have a profound impact on others’ lives, keep it to yourself.

Do you have anything to add to this list of shame? Let me know in the comments.

Susannah Perez is a blogger and social mediaaddict who will cull you if you are annoying on Facebook. She tries to improve people’s social media etiquette whilst blogging for ArcIT Solutions  for IT outsourcing.

More on annoying Facebook updates.

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